Whenever my depression gets the better of me: that is the most difficult times in my life.
I had a difficult time in school – especially in primary school. I cried a lot in my last year at primary because I didn’t have any friends and I was very unpopular.
In my second last year in high school (Gr.11) I had a huge nervous breakdown. I just started crying and I couldn’t stop. I cried non-stop all through the weekend. Nothing could cheer me up. I felt especially bad for my parents. My mom sent me to a psychiatrist that subscribed me some anti-depressants. I’m still on them although it used to be 1 and a half each day. Now I’m down to 1.
I had my second huge nervous breakdown a month ago when I was yet again rejected for a job. I started to believe that I’ll never get a job and I’ll never be good enough. I fell into a very deep abyss and it was hard to get out of that one. I haven’t entirely recovered from it yet.
At least I have this great digital copy writing intern program that I officially started today. For 3 months. The guy/boss called me today if I might be willing to relocate in six months time. Not set in stone but there’s definitely hope for the future 🙂
Sigh. Now it seems that my freelancing job is just another pie in the sky.
It’s been two weeks since I emailed my stories to the editors. Still no newspaper. Apparently one of the crucial sponsors withdrew their ads and now they don’t have enough money to take it to the printers. Hence I haven’t been paid yet.
They say they are going to fix it and that it will definitely go to print, but I don’t know… They’ve already postponed the first deadline two times. By this time the news are old and not relevant anymore.
And I cannot send my articles to other publications, because in my contract it states that I can only do that two days after the newspaper has been published. I’m still waiting for my report which will inform me how much articles of mine they’ve used.
I’m so negative and impatient. A part of me don’t even want to finish the articles I’m still working on. What’s the point on going to new stories if I know it might not even see the light?
To top it all I have the flu and all I want to do is lie in bed the whole day. But I’m here in front of the computer typing, forcing myself to work.
I have an interview on Thursday for a permanent position as a Junior Copy Editor. Hopefully all goes well and everything works out. At least with that I’ll know where I stand.
Maybe I’ll have more time to work on my blog. Who knows?