Nonsense stories from the past

I remember when I was 11 or 12 years old I read this story in a book I borrowed from the library. I think the story is from the book Arabian Frights by Michael Rosen . It is a scholastic Little Hippo Paperback book. Anyway, see if you can guess which story this is based on

“Toe Tight and the seven daffs” 

Every second word is replaced with similar sounding word or a random word.

“Once long a goat in the widdle of winter when the toe was falling, a Green sat doing her snowing.”

List of characters:

Toe Tight = Snow White
Mince = Prince
Green = Queen
Miller = Mirror
Grunter = Hunter
Seven daffs = dwarves

I found a review online:

“The book has a selection of traditional stories which are turned into nonesense stories, such as ‘Toe tight and the seven Daffs’ and ‘Hot Cross Bums’ ” Here’s a link if you don’t believe me http://www.amazon.co.uk/product-reviews/0590540963

Tanya se gedig

Hier is die gedig wat ek geskryf het na jou ma se dood. Ek kan nie onthou of ek dit ooit vir jou gegee het en of jy dit nog het nie. In elk geval ek gaan nou al my ou gedigte deur en gedink ek sal dit graag weer met jou wil share:

Ek dink ek is ‘n verlore engeltjie

Ek was stout en my vlerkies het afgebreek,

nou’s ek stuck op die aarde (of so iets)

maar ek is nie spyt nie.

Ek het jou ontmoet en deur jou

het ek geleer oor true friendship.

Thanks!

My ma sê die Here verwag dat ons alles wat

Hy vir ons gegee het tot ons volle

potensiaal moet gebruik, so here goes:

Hier is vir jou ‘n drukkie

Warm en vol liefde

Teddiebear hug!

Hier is vir jou ‘n skouer

om op te huil;

om jou moeë kop op te rus.

Hier is vir jou ‘n handjie

om vas te hou

Wat ek uitsteek na jou

om jou op te help

as jy jou knieë nerf-af val.

Hier is vir jou ‘n oor

om al jou diepste geheime in te fluister.

Hier is vir jou ‘n mond met ‘n zip

‘n bewys dat jy my met jou geheime kan vertrou.

Hier is vir jou ‘n glimlag

‘n bewys dat ek jou las met jou deel.

Hier is vir jou ‘n oog

om veral as die lewe hard op jou druk

Nog steeds die klein dingetjies

in die lewe raak te sien en dankbaar te wees.

Hier is vir jou ‘n voetspoor

wat saam met jou die

kronkelpad van die lewe sal stap.

Haha ek sien nou ook wat ek geskryf het:

“Ek het nie altyd al die antwoorde soos proffie Stephanie nie, ek sal my bes prober en ek glo dat “everything happens for a reason”. Wat die rede is vind ons eers verdomp later uit, “but sometimes it’s worth waiting for”.

My first and probably my last massage – Sorry Mel!

Yesterday I went for my first and probably my last full body massage. Mel, my colleague, gave me a voucher for my birthday that I could spend on a massage.

First of all, I did not know it would be a full body massage. I just wanted someone to massage my neck and shoulders.

Secondly, I didn’t know it was supposed to hurt so much. I think the masseuse gave me a few bruises!

Thirdly, I tried my bestest to relax, but it’s kinda hard to do that when someone is torturing the hell out of you. I kept wondering if she was going to end up walking on me – like in the movies.

Please take note: I’m one of those really pathetic people that’ll rather suffer through the pain than say “Ouch!” I once had blisters above my eyes because the wax was too hot when I had my eyebrows waxed.

When she started up my legs towards my thighs, I wanted to burst out laughing because I kept thinking about what the comedian, Michael McIntyre, said about his first full body massage experience. He was staying in a hotel just before a show and was a little stressed out about it. His wife suggested to try out a full body massage at the hotel spa, because it is supposed to be very relaxing. Well, he went and it was nothing but. He said every time the masseuse went up his thighs he had a near heart ache because her hands kept going “dangerously close to my balls”.

The music was soothing I’ll admit and when she didn’t press too hard it was nice. I just kept thinking how the hell does this woman expect me to fall asleep???

I think the first time I relaxed is when she told me it was over. Phew!

In search of…

Today I went off to the library in search of a copy of Bram Stoker’s “Dracula” and Mary Shelley’s “Frankenstein. Apparently “Frankenstein” is not in circulation yet – YET? – and all the copies of “Dracula” are missing. Hmmm, it must be a really special book to be missing then.

My trip to the library also got me thinking – how many people still go to a public building to take out a physical book? How long will libraries still exist? I’m probably the only young adult that still does this.

The thing is… I pretty much grew up in a library. I still remember my first books that I took out was just picture books with a single word printed on them. Then going through the phase of reading books with pictures to books with only words in them. The library I grew up in is like my second home. My escape from reality.

Now I also remember seeing “Dracula” in Exclusive books or was it Graffiti or Bargain Books. I should have bought it…

Now I’m googling it… some of these covers are really disturbing…

Tribute to Moo

I went through all my old poems and came upon this one. If I only knew when I wrote it (in 2004) I would have a cat of my own some day…

KAT

Klein en soepel met skerp-tand-mond

loop hy kop in die lug rond.

As hy hasepad kies – is hy gou weg.

Kan rats mure klim en met naels veg.

Vir ‘n kat krap hy sy naels aan bome

nuwe begin – altyd op nuwe trone.

Hy’s oulik, sag en liefdevol

hy laat my hart sommer in die rondte tol!

(2004)